[Editor's Note: Despite the fact that the last post was in July, we have been watching movies almost every night. The tabs above (Nominees and Winners, and Curated Movies) are updated and current, even though the blog posts aren't.]
Without further ado, here is Eric's summary of Nomination Round Fourteen:
Lydia's nomination: Alpha and Omega
Sigh. If I'm going to
do this I might as well do it properly.
Hayden Panettiere plays Kate, a natural-born Alpha wolf who is friends with Humphrey (Justin Long), an Omega wolf. In case you're unfamiliar with wolf hierarchies,
Alpha wolves hunt and conduct wolfy politics while Omega wolves play around and
diffuse any conflicts between Alpha wolves.
That's true! Don't even bother Googling it! Kate is supposed to marry Garth
(affectionately nicknamed Barf by the Omegas) and unite two warring wolf
tribes. Unfortunately, in a long and
decidedly painful scene in which wolves howl (i.e. do a song and dance number) at the moon,
it is revealed that Garth is impotent.
Or he can't howl right. Or maybe
he's gay. It's kind of unclear. Anyway,
Humphrey and Whatshername get kidnapped and relocated to repopulate another
part of Canada. (You only need two wolves to repopulate. Do! Not! Google!) With the help of two ducks they find their
way home and teach Dennis Hopper that it's okay for Alphas and Omegas to be in
love. Many questions remain unanswered,
especially why Lydia chose this movie.
The Uncanny Valley: now in animal!
Wait, Christina Ricci was in this?
Eric's nomination: The Town
Ben Affleck is an Omega bank robber who
falls in love with one of his Alpha hostages. You think I'm joking.
The film was meh. Overwhelmingly
meh. A burning, all-consuming, blinding
singularity of meh.
We
have found a solution to our Maria problem.
Sally's nomination: Grizzly Man
"Jewel, yoo mast NEVAH leesten to
this."
"I know, Werner. I'm never going to."
And yoo mast NEVAH look at the photos
I've seen at the coroner's office."
...
It's Mithtuh Chocolate!
John's nomination: Das Boot
I fell asleep pretty early in this movie and slept through
the entire middle part. The story I saw
was about a bunch of people shipping out in a submarine and then coming home
okay and getting the snot arbitrarily bombed out of them in the harbor by our allies.
UNDER THE OCEAN NO ONE
CAN HEAR YOU DIE
Beth's nomination: Little Otik
Or, what Sally thinks childbirth is like. This movie deserved to win. The only flaw with it was that it was too
long. When you're adapting a fairy tale,
make it short and sweet, or add plotlines and characters. Say, a horse. Who likes to do his job a
lot. Named Maximus.
I'm sorry, Sally, but
if this guy isn't funny, I don't know what funny is anymore.
Gene's nomination: Source Code
Jake Gyllenhall time-travels to try to stop a bomber. Except for some reason a movie exec really didn't
want it to be "time travel," so Jake is actually reliving the last eight minutes of
brain activity from a dead man. Somehow
he can learn things the dead man had no way of knowing. And he can change the past and live out
the dead man's life. But it isn't time
travel!
Captain Colleen
Goodwin and Dr. Rutledge browse Reddit during their coffee break.
