For years, teen Boggy held the Netflix queue hostage, moving the rest of the family's selections around like chess pieces on a board, or deleting them as heartlessly as toppling pawns. Then he magnanimously created the Boggy Movie Tournament, and a meta game was born. The playing field is finally open. The competition is fierce. You'll never recommend another movie without asking yourself, "But, is it a winner?"

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

An Annotated List of This Week's Nominees

by Eric

The nominees for the Fifth Movie Tournament are:

Tales from Earthsea

Summary: Miyazaki's son shows us how much of a Telemachus he really is.

The, the second of many inexplicable plot points.

Nine Queens

Summary: A dark comedy about con-men with a twist. (The twist is that someone tricked you into watching a foreign film).

!Hola, chumps!


Summary: Angelina Jolie plays a gollum pretending to be a human in the 1920s. Her moist lips and starved body eventually give her away.

What's taters, Precious?


Summary: A fantasy epic that promises to be as self-important as its original author: Neil Gaiman.

Yes, a unicorn.

Winter's Bone

Summary: It's like Midnight Run, except there's a bitch in it and it's an independent movie and there are no funnies. So it's nothing like Midnight Run.


Summary: "Have you chosen a movie for the movie tournament, John?"
"No. Have you guys seen Patton?"
"You're not supposed to tell us what you choose."
"I think I'm going to choose Patton."

He might be trolling.

1 comment:

  1. Lucie and I kept count of the number of times Kate Winslet said, "Jack!" and
    Leo DiCaprio said, "Rose!" in the film Titanic. It was an impressive number, as is the number of times Jolie cries, "Where's MY SON!" in Changeling. You'd think someone would notice redundancy in the dailies, but as you pointed out, moist lips are a distraction. This week has a bunch of stinkers, John was kind to throw a wrench (a solid classic) into that stew.